ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
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Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
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