Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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