I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
