I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
