So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
He's on the porch naked. Help.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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