she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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