I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
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