I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
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