I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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