this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
