So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
