It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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