There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
