I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
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