pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
