Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Randomize
