If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Randomize
