when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
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