she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
