On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
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