Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
