I hope my margaritas pass through security.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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