I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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