Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
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