is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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