Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
organizing the empties. That sober.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
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