think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
Randomize
