its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Randomize
