I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Randomize
