I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
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