highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
