Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
