if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
