My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
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