I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
