ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Randomize
