who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
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