It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Randomize
