told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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