Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
