He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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