took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
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