Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Randomize
