Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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