great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Two words: nipple clamps
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