just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
