it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
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