I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
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