What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
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