I cannot find my penis.
i love accidental penises.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
