I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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