he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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