honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
