Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
