wat bout pragnant strippers??
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
