I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
