I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
