He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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