her vagine was all disorganized.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
