My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
