I'm gonna have a badass scar
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize