Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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