My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Randomize
