I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
I will pee on everything he values.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Randomize
