youre lurking in front of me
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
