I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Randomize
