before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Randomize
