just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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