wat bout pragnant strippers??
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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