ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
