i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Randomize
