tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
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